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27 July 2001
Shirt rolls up its own sleeves -
[ New Scientist ]: A shirt which rolls up its own sleeves when you get too warm has been unveiled by a tech-savvy Italian fashion house. And what's more, its inventors say it will never need ironing. (July 27., 2001, )
25 July 2001
Der Telekom gehört der US-Markt, die Börse, eine Farbe. - Magenta ist eine eingetragene Farbe der Deutschen Telekom, und wer sie benutzt, bekommt Ärger.
[ ZDNet ]: "Der Abmahnung vorausgegangen war eine Anzeigenserie des Start-ups, welches anbietet, gegen eine Pauschale von 5700 Euro Manuskripte von Jedermann zu verlegen. Im Rahmen der Kampagne wurde unter anderem auch die Farbe Magenta verwendet."
Im Offsetdruck gehört Magenta zu den Grundfarben, aus denen alle anderen gemischt werden. (July 25., 2001, majo)
22 July 2001
The French (3) -
Safety
In general, France is a safe destination, although travellers must be aware that from time to time it is invaded by Germany. Traditionally, the French surrender immediately and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the American visitor generally goes on much as before. A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the French government to flee to London during future German invasions.
History
France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport. (July 22., 2001, itw)
The French (2) - Introduction to France, intended as a guide for American travellers only.
The People
France has a population of 57 million people. 52 million of these drink and smoke (the other 5 million are small children). All French people drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed, and have no concept of standing patiently in a queue.
The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof and undisciplined; those are their good points. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it from their behaviour. Many people are communists. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie or Michel, and they kiss each other when they meet. American travellers are advised to travel in groups and wear baseball caps and colourful trousers for easier recognition.
[ to be continued ] (July 22., 2001, itw)
21 July 2001
The French (1) - From our french office in Labastide d'Anjou, Languedoc, where they have the better weather:
The following advice for American travellers going to France was compiled from information provided by the US State Department, the CIA, the US Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the Centres for Disease Control and some very expensive spy satellites that the French don't know about. It is intended as a guide for American travellers only.
General Overview
France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular importance and with not very good shopping. France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the Louvre and Eurodisney.
Among its contributions to western civilisation are champagne, Camembert
cheese and the guillotine. Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible for Americans to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that local people insist on speaking in French, though many will speak English if shouted at. Watch your money at all times.
[ to be continued ] (July 21., 2001, frannie)
17 July 2001
The Bureaucracy Clubú - To properly organize our ongoing negotiations with several major institutions and authorities, e-mediate Ltd. is in the process of pre-negotiations with the Bureaucracy Clubú.
The Bureaucracy Clubú is an organization of bureaucrats, by bureaucrats, and for bureaucrats. The Bureaucracy Club is dedicated to the propagation, study, maintenance, enhancement, documentation, and optimization of bureaucracies and bureaucrats. Here is a list of all current Chapters of the Bureaucracy Club. (PLEASE NOTE: some local Chapters are still undergoing the preprocessing, processing, post-processing, or re-approval process.)
e-mediate Ltd. is also in the process of approving membership in INATAPROBU, the International Association of Professional Politicians and Bureaucrats ("When in Doubt, Mumble!"), a professional organization of corporate, academic, governmental, and clerical bureaucrats, and also an Unaffiliated Bureaucratic Entity of the Bureaucracy Club.
Coming soon [pending approval]: Paperwork Guidelines!
Coming soon [pending approval]: Bureaucrats in Love
IMPORTANT LEGAL NOTICE - The information on this note is subject to a disclaimer and a copyright notice. (July 17., 2001, fw)
13 July 2001
More Cats - http://www.mycathatesyou.com/.
Our cats don't hate us. They just don't care killing us. (July 13., 2001, majo)
8 July 2001
Wissenschaftsministerin wird Wirtschaftsminister? - Da soll auch mal einer durchblicken!
Wirtschaftsministerin: Hochschulen sollen verstärkt Internet nutzen.
"Die Hochschulen müssen stärker ins Internet gehen." Diese Forderung vertrat Wissenschaftsministerin Edelgard Bulmahn... [ internet.de ] (July 8., 2001, )
Wheel is now patented - A Melbourne man has patented the wheel to prove the Australian innovation patent system was flawed.
[the age ] "Man patents the wheel. ÊFreelance patent attorney John Keogh was issued with an Innovation Patent for a "circular transportation facilitation device" within days of the new patent system being invoked in May. Mr Keogh said he patented the wheel to prove the innovation patent system was flawed because it did not need to be examined by the patent office, IP Australia." (July 8., 2001, )
2 July 2001
A Pan-Atlantic Joke - [Dave W.] aus Burlingame, CA, erzählt einen Witz, von dem es eine bayerische Variante gibt (oder umgekehrt).
Die US-Version:
Lena has passed away. Ole calls the funeral home. "I need you to come and pick up my Lena. I live on Eucalyptus Street." "Would you spell that for us?" says the woman at the home. Silence. "Hello, are you there?" Ole says, "Ohhh never mind, I'll just drag her over to Oak Street and you can pick her up there." [Scripting News]
Die bayerische Version:
Zwei bayerische Polizisten finden eine Leiche vor der Schule. Jetzt müssen sie natürlich den Fall behördlich korrekt aufnehmen: "Du, fürs Protokoll: wie schreibt mer eigentlich Gymnasium?" -- "G - ü - m...na. G - i - m, na a net. Wost was, mer tragens vor die Kirch!!" [ÊIndustrial Technology & Witchcraft ]
Mehr Norweger-Witze u.a. bei Sheila. Zu Witzen über Bayern traue ich mich keine Referenz anzugeben... (July 2., 2001, )
The Bullshit Generator - Did you ever get the impression, these brainless PR statements were automatically generated? You're so right.
Here we go: "As you know, we at the TextLab and e-mediate team are determined to optimize end-to-end action-items by transforming extensible technologies to user-centric niches. By envisioneering dynamic technologies and targeting real-time methodologies, we optimize cutting-edge e-tailers and generate cross-platform eyeballs."
Bullshit. Automated bullshit however that architects bleeding-edge experiences and transitions visionary infomediaries... OK STOP THAT! (July 2., 2001, )
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